Self-(UN)Care: Three Steps To Deal With Pernicious Practices

Everything that soothes you isn’t self-care.

First, some context: I’m a staunch supporter of all things self-care. I view self-care not as an ancillary activity, but as a lifestyle. I advocate for life balance. I believe self-care is the actualization of self-worth. I dedicate a significant part of my professional life to researching self-care, and more importantly, developing knowledge and insight into how we can all be better supported in engaging self-care.

Now, a confession: I know, undoubtedly, that one of my favorite self-care practices is absolutely bad for my health.

The Monte Cristo №2.

Rolled in Cuba since 1935, the Monte Cristo №2 is among the most popular cigars. As the story goes, the cigar was named after Alexandre Dumas’ The Counte of Monte Cristo. This adventure novel was a favorite among rollers, known as torcedores, employed in cigar factories. As torcedores used a tabla (board), casquillo (cutter), cepo (measuring tool), and pure skill to construct the cigar, a lector read the novel aloud. This mix of tool, skill, and environment contributed to a product that, to this day, is desired the world over.

With a silky, cedar-brown wrapper, the №2 is distinct. The band is embossed with a metallic, gold-colored fleur-de-lis surrounded by swords. The flavor profile of this cigar is complex. A draw from the Monte Cristo reveals rich flavors of spice, cocoa, and a bit of earthiness, among others. The Monte Cristo strikes an unparalleled balance — neither too strong for inexperienced cigar smokers nor too underwhelming for aficionados.

So, the paradox:

No matter how good they make me feel, or how relaxing I find them to be, I know that cigars are not good for my health. I’m reminded about the health risks associated with smoking cigars every time I open a new box and cut through the label that reads: “este producto puede ser danino para su salud y crea addiccion.”

This particular practice — that of smoking cigars — has led me to be a profoundly complicated question:

If my self-care habit is bad for me, is it really self-care?

I’ve posed this query in a number of venues. Often, individuals parse the question. They speak to the subjectivity of “bad” or laud the adage “everything in moderation.”

But, let’s keep it simple: Smoking cigars is bad for your health. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) cautions that smoking cigars, even in moderation, can increase risks for cancers of the lung, esophagus, and larynx. Cigars have been linked to gum disease and tooth loss. Frankly, I’m not sure there is a reasonable argument to be made about the health benefit of cigars.

Emerging research from The Self-Care Lab at the University of Kentucky shows that individuals regularly engage in “self-care” practices that are not conducive to health and wellness. Findings from studies of nurses, social workers, lawyers, and other professional groups suggest that discerning between unhealthy activities that soothe (in the short-term) and self-care (promotes longer-term health) is becoming increasingly difficult and complex.

In order to advance, actualize, or optimize self-care goals, it’s imperative to recognize activities that may be antagonistic to meeting your self-care goals. These activities, which I refer to as pernicious self-care practices, are those that have harmful effects on your overall health and wellbeing. Be it gradual, subtle harm or an immediate negative impact, an array of behaviors can have negative consequences for your wellness. Binge drinking, excessive shopping, and yes, smoking cigars are all examples of pernicious self-care practices.

If you find yourself struggling with pernicious self-care practices, don’t fret. With attention, you can assuage or otherwise avoid these activities. Here are three steps to get you started.

Step 1: Analyze Your Self-care Practices

Continuous assessment is integral to any self-care regimen. Whilst assessment is typically focused on outcomes, ample consideration should be given to analyzing the practices themselves. I achieve this aim by asking myself two very distinct, yet, interconnected questions:

Does this self-care activity/practice make me feel good? And, is this self-care activity/practice good for my health and well-being?

Now, some things are good for your health that you might not enjoy. For instance, I am not a huge fan of carrots; but, I understand the benefit they may have for my health. But, if an activity is harmful to your well-being, you should eliminate it from your self-care repertoire — or, at least, minimize it.

Step 2: Then, develop a Self-Care (UN)Plan

Often, we view self-care planning as identifying actionable steps and activities consistent with meeting our self-care goals. That’s certainly true. But, another important strategy for planning is to identify what NOT to do. Maybe it’s eliminating toxic friends or choosing not to go on a late-night online shopping spree. Maybe it’s not going to happy hour or cutting back on — dare I say it — cigars. No matter, when conceptualizing your self-care strategy, be mindful of things you want to (un)plan.

Step 3: Replace pernicious practices with caring alternatives

Like most habits, pernicious practices are connected to other activities. For example, I find I often enjoy my cigars while reading. Now, anytime I take up a book to read, I unconsciously look around for my cigar. For me, it’s as if reading and smoking cigars have become inextricably linked.

So, when removing a pernicious practice from your self-care routine, think about caring, or at the very least, less harmful alternatives.

Here is the bottom line:

Self-care is not an excuse to engage in activities that are not good for you. Simply labeling an activity as “self-care” doesn’t make it so. Ultimately, our self-care practices should be ones that don’t harm our well-being — mental, physical, or otherwise.

After all, everything that soothes you, isn’t self-care.

Dr. Jay Miller is the Dean, Director of The Self-Care Lab, and Dorothy A. Miller Research Professor in Social Work Education in the College of Social Work at the University of Kentucky. You can follow his work on Twitter @DrJayMiller1.