Are You Feeling the February Fizzle of Self-Care?

Ask yourself these three questions to turn your self-care fizzle into self-care sizzle.

Erlene Grise-Owens & Jay Miller

Unfortunately, the February fizzle of self-care is common. You know the feeling. Your new year’s effervescent sizzle of resolve is evaporating into dregs of discouraged dissolve. The new year’s fizz has gone as flat as the celebratory champagne forgotten in the fridge.

Here’s a three-step process to turn your fizzle into sizzle.

What did you do right?

Usually, when we fizzle, we’re focusing on what we did wrong or the “failure” of our self-care resolutions or plans. This focus is a sure recipe for discouragement and setting up a downward spiral.

Instead, be intentional about what you did right…or at least close to it. Likely you didn’t fulfill your resolutions perfectly. But, think of examples of your getting — even a little — better at it?

Maybe you didn’t set those boundaries like you envisioned. But, remember when you said “No” to a request in order to say “Yes” to something you wanted to do. Maybe you didn’t exercise every day, as you had resolved, but you did exercise some days. Maybe you didn’t read a book weekly. But, you read a book this month. Maybe you didn’t get all the rest you needed. But, remember that day you took an afternoon nap.

What did you learn?

There’s no such thing as “failure” in self-care; it’s all about the learning. Having a growth mindset is helpful in any challenging endeavor. And, practicing self-care is challenging.

So, think of this recent attempt as a “pilot” of a self-care “experiment.” A pilot is designed to test out an intervention. On your “test drive” of self-care, what did you learn?

First, revisit the examples elicited by thinking about when you did your self-care. What helped make that possible? How could you do more of that? Maybe you surmise that you get reading done when you keep a book on your nightstand and/or dedicate 15 minutes of reading with your morning coffee. Or, you realize that you tend to stay up late because you get to scrolling on social media. But, those couple evenings when you drank a cup of chamomile tea and just unwound actually helped you sleep.

Or, you notice that you can “turn off” work mode (at home) when you take a short walk to mark that boundary. Or, that setting aside weekly blocks for documentation actually works. Or, that walk-talk with a colleague to process really reset your mood and revitalized your commitment.

You may have learned that you’re trying to do things that you don’t really want to do. Maybe yoga is just not your namaste…but, at least you tried. Or, maybe you learned that you need to have more or different accountability and support — such as a family member, work colleague, or friend. Perhaps you learned that you should not depend on your friend — who didn’t show up — to motivate you. And, instead, you are going to start putting self-care commitments on your calendar and using a tracking app.

What’s a next smallest step you can take?

Incrementalism is the 2021 self-care word. Break big, oftentimes aspirational goals, into small, incremental steps. For instance, as a start to getting more movement, you can try taking a 20-minute family walk on Sunday afternoons, 10-minute dance parties as a break from television, or other incremental steps. Or, instead of an amorphous goal of “setting boundaries,” you can take some time to reflect on making concrete commitments. Maybe, your next incremental, specific step is to schedule a delayed medical appointment; move the television out of your bedroom for better sleep; designate time for grocery shopping; set an alarm to remind you to put aside your phone at designated times; commit to finding a therapist; schedule self-care commitments on your work calendar. In part because they’re small, your incremental options are endless.

Notice that we don’t say specifically what you should do to get out of your fizzle, we give you questions to guide your process toward sizzle. Everyone’s self-care is individualized. YOUR best self-care plan is the one that works for YOU. But, we all experience similar challenges, such as the February Fizzle. So, in February (or really anytime) you don’t have to fizzle. These three strategies can help you face your challenges and revitalize your sizzle self-care!

*******************************************************************Dr. Jay Miller is the Dean, Director of The Self-Care Lab, and Dorothy A. Miller Research Professor in Social Work Education in the College of Social Work at the University of Kentucky. Dr. Erlene Grise-Owens is the Founding Partner at The Wellness Group.